3 Questions To Quiet Your Inner Critic
Inner critic…you know what I mean right?
That voice inside your head that is constantly judging and critiquing each and every thing that you do. It can paralyze us with its essays of self-doubt and “you are not good enough”. And if we muster up enough courage to do the thing that scares us, we can always count on our inner critic to give us a detailed run-down of every mistake and misstep. And just in case we didn’t get it the first time, our inner critic plays this on repeat.
Many missed opportunities and hours of avoidance and procrastination can be chalked up to the doings of the inner critic, along with feelings of low self-worth, self-doubt, and self loathing. So, it’s no wonder that so many of us are looking to quiet this voice that robs us of life opportunities and feelings of being good enough.
If you are wondering how to quiet this inner critic, you are not alone. This is something I routinely work on with my clients in my Alameda, Dublin and online therapy sessions. The first step is to recognize that as painful and hindering as the inner critic is, it does have the best of intentions. Its words are formed from years of trying to protect us. However, because of the reasons listed above, its well-intentioned efforts backfire. It is best to approach our inner critic with a mindset of curiosity, and we can begin to do so by asking these 3 questions:
What is the worst that can happen?
What are the odds of that happening?
How would you cope?
Here is an example of how to use the 3 questions: Maybe you have received feedback that you need to speak up more in your work zoom meetings. But every time you try, your inner critic kicks on and tells you things like “you’ll sound stupid,” “you’ll make a fool of yourself,” “you have nothing helpful to say.” So as these thoughts are running through your head, the moment passes- the topic changes or a colleague says exactly what you were thinking of saying and gets the credit.
What’s the worst that can happen? Colleagues will you judge you? Your boss will think you are incompetent? Yes, these seem pretty bad, but sometimes even naming the worst can help it feel a little more in our control. If you are freaking out after answering this question, the next question may help you feel more at ease.
What are the odds of this happening? Look at the evidence to answer this question-are your colleagues judged when they speak up? Are colleagues saying exactly what you were going to say and it is getting good feedback?
How would you cope? Even if the worst thing did happen, what could you do next? Take a long drink of your coffee, take a few deep breaths, go for a run after the meeting. Often times, our inner critic stays stuck on the worst thing happening, but doesn’t show the next step of us handling the situation. We are often more resilient than our inner critic gives us credit for.
Our inner critic can be loud, especially if we struggle with anxiety, social anxiety, or depression, but instead of fighting or just giving into it, asking these 3 questions from a curious standpoint can begin to help us dial back our inner critic and begin to tune into new opportunities.
To learn more on this topic, I highly recommend reading How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety by Ellen Hendrikson. These books have been helpful in my personal growth in quieting my inner critic and in my Alameda, Dublin and online counseling practice.